Dream: Mr Rudd

Hello again! It has been a while!

I had the most peculiar dream last night.

I dreamt that I was with my ex-husband, planning to visit a friend for an overnight visit.

On the way across London we stopped at a church that was holding a midweek, midday service and it was full to bursting. We didn’t stay, and carried on our journey.

My ex was apparently carrying a tiny kitten and tiny puppy with him and kept getting them out to amuse other passangers. (He was a very gregarious character but I found it annoying, although I did not question in the dream why I was travelling with him).

We arrived at my friend’s. She was a Quiverfull Christian mother with many (10?) children running around doing various activities.

The house appeared to have painted orange walls which gave it an odd atmosphere.

As night fell I remembered that although there was a separate toilet which did thankfully work, their bathroom was out of order.

The next morning I met my friend’s husband (played, in this dream film by Paul Rudd!*) and we chatted amiably about all things Christian, and I explained how my beliefs had changed, but then he came on to me and when I said no, he assaulted me!

So I left the house immediately without saying anything to my friend and headed for the train station.

My ex found me waiting there and I explained what had happened. He left but I don’t know where he went after that.

Then the husband (Paul Rudd) arrived and threatened to pursue me if I told anybody. I promised I did not want to hurt my friend but I thought he was despicable and asked him to go away and leave me alone.

When I got home my husband was just getting off the phone and had apparently been talking to the Paul Rudd character and had offered that their whole family could pitch their tent in our garden over the summer with access to our bathroom while theirs was out of order.

I looked out the window and saw there was already a big orange tent set up in the garden!

I woke up in a panic!

*in real life I like him but can’t imagine why my brain cast him in this role! This was the most creepy and threatening pic I could find of him!

Dream: Corona Conspiracy

Just a quick one but I wanted to write it down.

I dreamt last night that the Coronavirus was a conspiracy orchestrated by followers of Ayn Rand, and I found evidence that I was going to post on facebook but it wouldn’t let me, and then my children (who were little in the dream) and I were followed by killer drones!

When the Bough Breaks

The children from the Starship Enterprise, led by Wesley Crusher

Star Trek TNG – When the Bough Breaks

I dreamt last night that I was trying to rescue a little girl who had been kidnapped from her captors who had her in a van, and the kidnappers had taken her because they ran a Borg Circus, and needed a new attraction! I was with two other people but they didn’t seem to be much help, and although I caught up with them, I woke up before the story was resolved.

I haven’t watched Picard for a couple of weeks since they did the dirty and brutally tortured and killed a favourite character from Voyager, Icheb (possibly because the original actor has fallen out if favour with Hollywood), so I don’t know whether this dream was inspired by Picard or whether the little girl we had planned to adopt had crept back into my mind.

Certainly i had not thought about her consciously in a while, but I guess the disappointment of infertility and loss is never far from my thoughts.

This episode of Star Trek the Next Generation is the story of a race if people who are experiencing planet-wide infertility, and they kidnap all the children from the Starship Enterprise in order to have a new generation so their culture won’t die.

Eventually it is discovered that there is an easily fixable technological reason for the infertility and so the people agree to return all the children to their parents on the Enterprise.

I’m very aware that I am coming towards the end of my period of fertility, and my progress towards health has very much plateau-ed before actually becoming healthy, so I will have to accept that I will probably never get my rainbow baby.

But I can’t accept that my story has ended without ever being resolved.

Changing Guard

I am aware that I dream a lot. I think it’s due to having very disturbed, light sleep caused by my various health issues. Normally they come and go as dreams do but I know that I have a number of running themes from the dreams I actually remember.

One of those themes is moving house. Almost every dream I remember takes place in a new location. Whether this is due to having had a great number of real life moves (7 in 5 years until we moved here 3 years ago) or whether it is to do with feeling unsettled (or should that be unhappily settled?) Or for some other reason, I don’t know.

Last night’s dream involved having just moved to a much smaller house in a block. So small that instead of ordinary opening doors, all the rooms had sliding doors because the passages were so narrow.

All of us seemed to be crowded into one bedroom with built-in wooden beds, all painted white, but we seemed to have no stuff, as though we had brought none of our possessions with us.

I remember looking out of the window and regretting no longer having a garden or a garage.

The bedroom had two sliding door options – one with glass panels you could see through, and another of white painted wood.

As we were settling down to sleep, we heard a terrific clatter of marching feet on the stairs, and we looked out to see the Queen’s Guard trooping up the stairs past our room to the next level.

Husband responded by closing the wooden sliding door and I woke up.

I must admit this is strange and unexpected even for me. Whatever could it mean?! πŸ˜„

The Cambridge Dance and Wild Medicine Debacle

In the 1960s, my mother was enrolled in a course entitled “Cambridge Dance and Wild Medicine”, but for some reason we never discovered (did the government intervene and refuse to allow such a course? Did they not feed the participants after dancing?), the course was cancelled before completion.

So we were hosting a reunion of women who had been part of “The Cambridge Dance and Wild Medicine Debacle” in our seaside hotel. But on the first day of the reunion, something exploded in the kitchen and foul play was suspected so we had to evacuate.

It was suspected by the plain clothes policemen who visited after the explosion that the culprit would try again, so we moved our cats to friends in town, and the police installed cameras to catch anybody who came back.

But while we were in town, a giant balloon thing flew over the town towards our hotel and we were fully expecting it to destroy the hotel… when I woke up.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to check if Cambridge had ever run any courses in Wild Medicine. They don’t appear to have done. The only parts of this that are real are the facts that we live near the sea side and have a cat.

Edit: I received this very perceptive interpretation:

“I think the themes of this dream is having creative passions that have gone unfulfilled. The tone of the dream carries a sense of frustration and regret. Do you feel as though you are barred from following your true life passions? I think the idea of a failed course from Cambridge on dance and wild medicine reflects a feeling of disillusionment with either the education system – it has failed you in some way. It’s implied that the course failed because they didn’t feed the participants and later on, it was the kitchen (source of food) that was targeted. It seems part of what kept the participants from succeeding was a lack of practicality – there was no food on the table, which could imply money constraints which often hold people back from pursuing their passions. Moving the cats to town, plain clothes police officers and security cameras all suggest a move towards a city environment – possibly taking you further away from the wild medicine you need? The balloon makes me think someone is bursting your bubble.. It’s one of several symbols of sabotage throughout this dream. In general, it sounds like you might feel constrained to follow your passions and wish that you could have learned a way to do this and to be successful. You are either facing real obstacles in life that are preventing you or else your doubts are holding you back.”

Comment: the only thing wrong with this amazingly accurate interpretation is that I’m stuck in the countryside and would rather be in the city.

Dream: Boundaries of Friendship

I dreamt I was with a lady in my old home town and we had a big old bust up because she wanted me to wade into the water to catch (and later cook and eat) Lobster and I wouldn’t!

She became extremely agitatated that I wouldn’t let her push me around, and eventually I told her to f off. In retaliation, she said something to the effect of: “See, I knew I was right about you.”, implying that I wasnt correctly religious if I used a rude word.

I rushed off in the wrong direction and couldn’t find my way home, and I accidentally went into a leisure centre/ sports complex. When I asked for directions, some random guys tried to sell me a phone app.


Context: I’m feeling very homesick right now. We left that town nearly 10 years ago due to the unhealthy toxic social and religious scene.

The lady was somebody I’ve lost touch with, we were very good friends years ago, then she dropped me in a very religiously judgey way when I was having a tough time and, in her opinion, not responding appropriately.

Any thoughts?

Dream: Royal Gingers

This may be my weirdest dream yet.

I was upstairs in my grandma’s old house (a common location for my dreams), and a young prince Andrew was living there with his four ginger royal children.

He was bathing one of them, and I walked in and remarked “what a good daddy” he was, doing the bathing.

The other children were in the nursery with a nanny and I asked if any of the other children were going to have a bath. The nanny shrugged and nobody else responded.

I went back out into the hall and noticed that all the doors had books opened on top of them. They were religious books so I guessed they were my mum’s.

I went back into the bathroom but it had turned into a bedroom with two single beds, which prince Andrew had made up himself and got the young prince into his pyjamas.

He said one of the beds was for me and he had put two hot water bottles in for me!

The young prince didn’t really want to go to bed and so he messed about for a few minutes and we were talking, and Prince Andrew mentioned that their birth mother was a surrogate named Lee-Anne.


I have no idea what to make of that!

P.s. I don’t think I knew who Prince Andrew was, I’m sure it wasn’t specificlly him, it was just a random prince name.

Another Collection of Weird Dreams


I had a dream where I was getting ready to make a speech to my (imaginary) company about going global and in the dream I was wearing an amazing skirt suit in rainbow pastel colours.

I’m sure there was more to it but that’s the bit I remember.

P. S. I think my ex-husband was there and I was discussing something with him before I went in to speak.


I dreamt I was in a weird little church, where I opened a big box of merchandise. I took out a white pair of shoes which I put on and some little charms which I put in my bible.

The church leader tried to kiss me, and I got away from him. I told him I would pay for the merchandise later. Then I went out, looking for my husband and his car.

I walked all round town but couldn’t find him. While I was walking round, I kept on taking chewing gum out of my mouth, it seemed never ending.

I was carrying bags and bags full of stuff around with me.

Some people from the church offered me lifts but I didn’t trust any of them.

I got to one end of town and turned around and came back then other way until I sat down at a cafe.

Any clues?

Oh, a p.s. I just remembered – I had a mobile phone I was trying to call my husband but it was new and I couldn’t make it work. It wanted me to set up the background colours but wouldn’t let me call. Every time I tried something, it got more complicated.


I dreamed that one of my shopping bags got away from me, it floated away and turned into balloons and ribbons!


I dreamt we moved into a house like the one I grew up in, and I discovered a whole new extension on the side of the house. (This is quite a recurrent theme). Then I realised the back lawn needed mowing but there was only a manual mower.


Some more from last night: being chased by bears and pigs through a shopping centre

And then

Falling down the stairs into a room filled with water, only escaping drowning by opening a window. There was a child with me in the water filled room. My mother was upstairs and didn’t believe a word of it.

Halfway through, my perspective changed from viewing myself sliding down the stairs into the water (at which point I thought, this isn’t real, it’s a film) to being the person in the water, and it then feeling very real.

Dreams: Scary Things and Questioning Identity

Just a very quick dreams post, I just want to get them written down.

Two nights ago I was anxious about going to a new and different meeting the next morning, where I didn’t know what to expect, so I’m sure the dream was driven by anxiety.

The only part I remember is getting into the back of a car driven by an old friend (with whom in real life I had previously been estranged but had renewed the friendship – at least as being connected on facebook is concerned – without any genuine discussion or reconciliation. I havent thought about that relationship for months so he certainly wasn’t in my conscious mind, but I presume that my dream brain picked him out for that reason.).

He drove along and parked up on the edge of a cliff, but the car did not stop and we rolled off the edge into the sea (which woke me up!).

Last night, after the meeting (which was a kind of introduction to interfaith spirituality) I had another odd dream where we kept changing houses, and in the dream I could not remember which one was our current home.

At one point we were changing the wallpaper in the living room of my childhood home, which I would have sworn I did with my husband but in fact it must have been my dad in the mid 70s.

I told my friend, with whom we were staying, about last night’s dream and she told me that, if you dream about houses, the house represents yourself and she suggested that the meaning of the second dream was that I am questioning my (religious) identity.

That wasn’t flying. That was falling with style

Looking at the meagre offering of posts so far this year, I realise that I really am astonishingly inconsistent (with everything really, but blogging in particular).


Apart from struggling with a permanently inadequate organisation system in my brain, I dip in and out of mild depression, get distracted far too easy by shiny things like Facebook.

I do have lots of projects on the go, plates spinning, ideas forming. I’m doing stuff. It’s just all happening in a haphazard, hot mess.

I shall attempt to Bullet Journal my way to clarity (resisting the temptation to buy a new A4 journal), and return with field reports and mission logs or something.

Is anybody reading? Are there topics I should be covering?

Are any of my readers people with ADHD, or Enneagram 7 personalities who have cracked it and manage to keep it all under control?

Do I sound like a looney?