Disturbing Dreams

Warning for possibly inappropriate content, depending on your sensibilities…

I had two dreams last night, both of which included disturbing content, but on reflection I think I will share them anyway.

In the first dream, I was visiting with a family that I knew in childhood. There were three boys, all much older than me, I’m guessing the oldest was at least 15 years older than me. But I was on the verge of teenage and ‘fancied’ them all. «Blush»!

The dad was a bit of a tyrant, did a lot of shouting and thought he was right about everything, and he was telling us the very strict itinerary for our days out on this holiday, and then he sent us all to bed, and everybody had to be immediately silent.

The next day, we boarded a coach, and I sat at the back with the eldest of the boys… and secretly had sex on the seat at the back of the bus while his dad sat at the front and thought everything was under control.

«Blush»

In the second dream, I found that my period had started, and I was stranded without a pad or even panties, but bizarrely I had a towel, so stuffed that between my legs and started walking to find somewhere to stay.

I came across a commune where I was invited to come in and stay, but I had to sign some paperwork which I signed without reading.

Inside, I was looking for a room, knocking on doors, climbing flights of stairs, walking down corridors, but I couldn’t find anywhere.

And then there was a crash, and apparently some dangerous people had broken in – nobody knew whether they had guns or what – and somebody opened a hatch and invited me to hide there with them…. I still hadn’t sorted out my problem, but we had sex anyway.

«Blush»

So… A couple of things here. I’m much more attracted to my childhood friend than I realised? No! (Hope he’s not reading as I think it would be easy to identify himself! Lol!)

Firstly, the period thing – as a miscarriage/ babyloss survivor who still wants babies, every monthly period feels like another loss, and given my age and my state of health, it’s really very unlikely I would have any more babies. I can give mental assent to that, but emotionally I haven’t accepted it at all and to be honest I don’t know how to ‘move on’.

Secondly, the sex. Well, you know, I like sex as much as the next girl. But sometimes I feel a little bit obsessed and insatiable, and I suspect that it’s not just having a big sex-drive, but rather that it’s a symptom of neurological disorder which makes me wonder if hypersexuality commonly occurs with ME (or MS even?). I know that it can be a feature of Bi-polar disorder, which I have previously mentioned (as I said, I don’t think I have anything like full-blown Bi-polar, but it’s in the family and I suspect I have Bi-polar tendencies). But it can also occur as a result of brain trauma or injurt, or as a result of degenerative neurological disease.

How do you know if your sex-drive is ‘normal’? Apparently the American psychiatric establishment won’t classify hypersexuality as a disorder because that would be prejudiced against people who enjoy sexuality outside the norm. But surely if it becomes problematic, that’s enough to say it is disordered.

What about hypo-sexuality? At what point does low sex drive become an issue? (Perhaps if you’re married to somebody with hypersexuality?)

And, as a society, can we still not talk about this without getting silly, or attracting loonies? Really hoping that I don’t get spam comments now, but anyway. There it is.

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