I have been feeling so bad since Whistler was put down, I wouldn’t even call it depression – it’s more like a kind of numbness which has made me want to run away, escape, shut myself off, shut myself in, hibernate, baton down the hatches.
As I’m sure you’ll notice if you’ve been here before that I’ve had a change of theme – I do like to change the furniture around occasionally but I decided I needed a BIG change to reflect the enormity of the upsetting, life-changing nature of losing a pet.
If it’s something you have never experienced, let me give you an idea of how seriously it can affect you. What I did last time I had a pet die on me in (my cat Mini in 1994 – I might do a separate post just on her in fact – she was accidentally poisoned by a neighbour who put down rat poison). Two days later I moved out of my house and left my husband, permanently. Life-changing.
So obviously my current life, such as it is, has been under constant re-evaluation recently as it has been so poopy for the last few years, but I haven’t been able to do much about it. I still don’t have any answers really. The changes I’d like to make are still mostly outside of my control. What can I do beyond “be grateful” and look for beauty? I’m not finding many treasures in the darkness so far, just darkness.
Instead, I am taking some time out in the hope that isolation will let me heal – time off from church (I’ve just stopped going), time off from friends (I’ve given twitter and facebook a wide girth and since I don’t have any real life friends locally, that makes no odds); I am even neglecting wordpress.
I’m taking a little bit of time off from reality altogether to be honest.