Displaced and Virtually Homeless

Lovely field with bright yellow and orange daffodils (Narcissus). Shallow dof and natural light.

I did a bad thing, and I got banned and blocked from a social media site. That’s never happened to me before. I shouldn’t care, but I cried all evening and stayed up way into the night trying to sort it out.

I’m not mentioning any names, because I don’t want for them to find this blog and identify me.

It went like this: I was hurt by the fact that my favourite site – basically my home on the internet – is closing, which made me feel raw and vulnerable, and then hurt some more (by other members and Admins on a new site I joined, being really rude and nasty). I turned around and lashed out at the Admin. I apologised, but she responded by banning me and blocking me from even viewing the site, with no right to appeal.

I acknowledged I had been rude, and had said things I shouldn’t have, but I think I was more than justified in complaining about her rudeness and the unwelcome attitude across the site. I apologised to her but she wouldn’t acknowledge any wrong on behalf of her or the existing members, believing that I was just wrong and that was that. ‘Immigrants’ from the old site have been repeatedly told “we don’t want you, go away”.

The ban was lifted after two hours (I don’t know what made them reconsider or why, because the “go away, we don’t want you” posts are still coming) and now it’s all supposed to be smoothed over between the Admin and me personally (is it? I can’t really tell), but there’s a really bad atmosphere and I feel like a homeless, unwelcome refugee.

I hope nobody is offended by me comparing myself to refugees. I’m not really doing that, but I am drawing parallels about being sensitive and welcoming to new people who have been displaced, understanding that it takes time to adjust and that there’s a learning curve. If the welcoming hand of friendship had been extended, none of this need have happened.

Even if we do try to adjust and fit in, the site certainly doesn’t feel like a happy or safe place – certainly not a place where I could bare my soul and talk about the things I need to talk about – and I think I need to find a new home on the internet.

It’s hard to build up a network of friends, and I am so sad the original site is closing. When real life is really unbearable, a virtual life that’s good can make all the difference between keeping your head above water and going under.

So anyway, on a happier note, I thought I would do a little CW journal again, just for fun.

Today’s Events – taking it easier today. No car, so can’t get to the beach but might go out while the sun shines.

Weight – 16.9 which sounds awful, but I had gone up to 17.4 so I’ve lost 9 lbs and I’m really pleased with that.

Food – basically relaxed low carb, with plenty of protein and fat, but keeping the overall calories around 1000 per day. I’m not hungry or suffering at all.

Exercise – not so much, ask me again.

Who we fancy today – Theo Theodoridis

Who may be the most beautiful man ever created. Sad story there, do you know it?

Music The Matrix soundtrack – great for hammering out anger and tears.

Make-up – nothing today.

Jewellery – I have my eye on a silver necklace but out of my price range atm…

Clothes & shoes – barefoot and slouchy today, but I do have a thing for costume, especially Victorian costume, and look what I found! *Victorian Star Trek uniforms*

Nice things today – sunshine, a roof over my head, daffodils, coffee, a nice clean kitchen (I scrubbed that sucker angrily while I was banned from the site), online friends who have stuck by me and supported me, and sympathised with the whole horrible business.

Jobs I’d like to try – Airline pilot. I had toyed with stewardess, because it’s glamorous, (not only clothes and shoes, but hats!!) But who wants to serve drinks when there’s a plane to fly?

Thought for the day from Chairman Whorlow

“May those who love us love us, and those who don’t love us, may God turn their hearts. And if not their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so we know them by their limping.


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