Tag Archives: dreams

Dream Fury

I’m not really here, I’m really writing NaNoWriMo, but for some reason, my dreams at night are running rampant, so I thought I’d share them!

lady-in-black-cloak

I woke up so furious from a dream, I felt as though my blood were boiling. For some reason I was back in [that other place], and offering to do an arts and crafts workshop on pens! I packed all my various sets of pens and laid them out to show a certain person who once ran the children’s group despite her own child having grown up years ago (who shall remain nameless), and she vetoed the whole thing, and said it wasn’t ‘viable’. So I packed my pens angrily away into my holdall, saying “don’t worry, I was just thinking of doing it in somebody’s home, I’ll organise it myself.” But she started saying something along the lines of that being quite impossible (as though she controlled what went on in other people’s homes!) I packed even more angrily, and she accused me of stealing some cardboard or wooden crap of her own, which I hadn’t done, I just moved it out of my way, which I told her and said it was ridiculous, why on earth would I want to steal her rubbish? So then I stormed out (storm in a teacup, remember? Bitches!) and I stormed through the market, bumping into everybody. Everybody seemed to be wearing black, and I think I was wearing a big black cloak with a hood. I wonder what on earth prompted that, after so many years.

A second dream, I was somewhere up north, I don’t know what I was doing but have a feeling I was in a hospital for some reason. Husband was supposed to be coming to meet me but he kept sending messages saying he was delayed, so I decided to drive myself. Another girl persuaded me to take her with me, and she was supposed to be going to Nottingham, but she didn’t want to go home, so we decided to just abscond together, no idea where we were going. Strange, eh?

And there was another (I think these dreams are actually in reverse order). This one may well have been set in a hospital, it was definitely some kind of institutional building, and as usual, I was on the run, rushing through the building trying to escape and eventually I hid in somebody’s bed, but we were discovered, and we rolled off the bed on to the floor and both started running again.

That last one seems to be my typical dream format. I’m always on the run or being pursued, I have no idea why.

Perhaps I’m just crazy enough to be a writer?

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If Wishes Were Horses…

wishes horses ds9

Summary
“Station residents suddenly find their imaginations are manifested in physical form; a spatial rift threatens to destroy the Bajoran system.”

Comments
I’m really quite ashamed that this post has taken me, what, 4 months to publish?! I don’t know why, but every time I looked at it, I felt stumped, and I procrastinated (along with the million other tasks I needed to do and put off until the last moment).

This is a really crazy and random episode where some undetermined and unnamed aliens conduct an experiment on the station’s crew and residents by allowing their imagination to run riot and we learn something about each character’s wishes, hopes and fears. Sisko conjures up one of his baseball heroes, Quark imagines beautiful girls that desire him, Julian creates an alternate Jadzia who is submissive and fawns all over him, (the real Jadzia is less than impressed) Jadzia herself worries that there might be a spatial rift causing the bizarre manifestations, and that worry turns into an anomaly that really does appear to threaten the station. The Chief calls a Rumplestiltskin into being who threatens to take his daughter away. Odo can’t imagine anything, but somebody thought of it snowing on the promenade, and lo – it snows. It’s just one of those random individual episodes that is never followed up, but put in there presumably for the purpose of character development.

Real Life
Yes, this is where the problem is, I think – how to apply this whole weird episode to real life, what to make of the metaphors. My brain has just been drawing a complete blank. Perhaps due to the fact that the characters conjured up by the DS9 crew don’t make any sense to me – they’re not the things or people I think I would call into being from my imagination. (Although I did like the snow on the Promenade).

The ability to determine reality from fantasy is, I suppose, crucial to living a mentally stable life – fantasy certainly has its place, but we can’t let it take over because physical reality will suffer.

Without going into embarassing details, most of my fantasies are not the kind of things I would even want to stray into the realm of reality. But there is a spectrum that runs between fantasy, dreams, wishes and plans that we would like to bring to fruition in the real world.

What happens if we spend all our time and energy thinking and fantasising about the kind of things that really ought to stay at the fantasy end of the spectrum – does all that ’emotional energy’ (think ‘Cheeseman’s law’)* actually have any power to bring about manifestations of our desires, as proponents of the ‘Law of Attraction’/ ‘The Secret’ would argue? I don’t think I have seen any evidence of it in my life. But perhaps I’m not looking hard enough? Do good things happen because we ‘love’ them into being, bad things because we fear them?

Answers on a postcard please.

Station Plans

I’m actually about to move offices on the station in the next week or two, so expect my time will be occupied by packing and sorting and organising for a bit. But I haven’t forgotten this blog and do have plans to come back and do some more posting very soon. Watch this space, as they say.

~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~

* Cheeseman’s, for those unfamiliar with it, is the postulation put forward by the temporal scientist of the same name, that emotional energy has the power to alter events in time that would otherwise seem to be fixed and unchangeable. (From one of my absolute all-time favourite films, starring Vincent D’Onofrio and Marisa Tomei – ‘Happy Accidents’. If you haven’t seen it already, go out and find it on DVD or Netflix or something. Romance, time travel, comedy, what more could you ask?)

Crazy Sci-fi Dream

A crazy dream this time!

In the dream, I seemed to be walking carrying a clipboard along a city street through a market with stalls, behind which the people selling had parked their caravans. Every now and then, I would pop inside one of the caravans and ask if everyone was alright.

Finally, I came to a caravan and when I asked if everyone was alright, one of the women was alarmed because – she said – people were disappearing, and she didn’t know where her husband was. She gave me her phone and asked me to wait for a call about a birthday party and tell the caller that she would be there, and then she went off looking for her husband.

Somebody else came in with diving goggles, saying that the last time he’d been seen, he had been wearing these (I didn’t question this!!). I said, they are probably infected and now you have brought it back here to us, we are probably infected too.

Then the call came, and the caller projected himself out of the phone holographically. I told him that the woman said she would be at the party, but I thought that it wasn’t a good idea as it looked as though they were infected with the new plague. He immediately jumped back into the phone and disappeared. As he did so, the phone fizzed and crackled luminous green.

The new person (can’t recall if male or female) pointed at me and said, look! You’re infected. I looked in the mirror and could see a kind of luminous green worm thing in my hair, but when I tried to get hold of it to remove it, my fingers missed it, as though it was not in the same time frame as the rest of us. (That is the obvious conclusion, right?)

Next, I was suited up in a plastic yellow suit, boots and hood, walking through the sewers with some other scientists and testing everywhere for the infection with a little yellow scanner. I said that the only place that is immune is under the water line of the sewage. Everything above that is infected. So the only way we can counteract it is to go under….

…..Ugh! But then the phone rang and woke me up, so I can’t tell if the plague of luminous green time worms is beaten by covering everything in sewage. O_O

I guess we will never know!

Strange Dream Report: Letting Myself In…

I know I have been having lots of weird and wonderful dreams, but somehow they have just been disappearing on me and I have forgotten them as soon as I get up.

But this time I remembered one, so here it is.

I was with my kids in a place I didn’t recognise, and we let ourselves in a door to find what looked like a high quality holiday apartment with lots of double beds, so it was obviously designed for a lot of people, but apparently a bunch of unrelated people were living there, as each open-plan room looked differently decorated.

The beds were made but otherwise some of the rooms were quite untidy, with clothes and scraps of bedlinen on the floor. It seemed that somebody had ordered material and made their own duvet cover, but not finished the job.

I expressed my disgust that people living in such a nice place would leave it so untidy. So we moved next door to what appeared to be our own apartment. That was also untidy, but it wasn’t a luxury apartment, it was quite plain.

Then we went out walking, to go and meet my mum. We appeared to be in a town that was a strange mixture of the seaside and Milton Keynes, with several of the ‘grid squares’ being completely filled with water like man-made lakes, with boats and ships anchored there. (Actually, come to think about it, it reminds me of Stockholm as well.)

I remarked that I would love to stop and investigate one of the water grid-squares some time.

As we walked, I was worried about walking so far and making myself ill, and at the same time I became more and more desperate to go to the toilet, and so we stopped off again and let ourselves into another apartment. We looked around and realised it was very tiny, and downstairs there was just one room – an open plan living room/ kitchen with a shower cubicle and an upstairs.

I went upstairs to find the toilet, and when I opened the door, the first thing I noticed was that the floor was untidy, with shoes strewn about, and then I realised there was a man asleep there, with a little boy beside him. He woke up and asked me what I was doing there.

I explained that we let ourselves in, and that we needed the toilet. And then he did a very strange thing. He said, “I’m just going to go to the forest, I need to get something”, and he left the little boy with me!

I looked around and realised that my kids were a lot younger than they are now in real life,with the eldest perhaps the age that my youngest is now, and the little boy was about three. I realised that I couldn’t possibly leave the boy alone so we would have to wait until his father got back.

So we settled down to do some drawing with paper and crayons with the little boy, and waited.

(And then I woke up because I really did need the toilet!)

I find it very strange that I dreamt again about letting myself into somebody else’s home! What is that about?! Is it just nosiness, or jealousy, or dissatisfaction with our current living arrangements?

It’s also the second dream that featured somebody wanting to leave an unknown child with me.

I quite liked the place though and I want to go there!

What do you make of it?

Star Trek Mysteries

starTrekTOS

OK, OK, I know I said that I would be posting my Star Trek posts over on The Bajoran Exile, but I had a dream! My first Star Trek TOS dream!

In my dream, the filming of Star trek, the original series, was being used as a cover for a jewel theft, in which Gene Roddenberry was the victim.

The thieves found that the jewels were no ordinary jewels, however, but granted the bearer invisibility and so the jewels themselves were being used to cover up a series of other jewel thefts and of murders!

It was all very stylish, with everybody wearing classic 1960s costumes.

There was a theft and murder at a country house, followed by another foiled attempt in which the thieves (who were part of the TOS crew – possibly red shirts) attempted to go back to Roddenberry’s house to see what else they could steal but they were apprehended.

Rather than call the police or bring them to justice, the lady of the house – Majel Barrett – persuaded the thieves to give up the invisibility jewels to her! (She had smacked them over the head with a frying pan in the dark, so had not realised they were invisible until afterwards!)

After this point, the thefts were to be carried out under Majel’s direction. What she didn’t realise though is that the jewels were cursed, and everybody who had anything to do with them were bound to come to no good. The thieves themselves were found dead before any more thefts could be arranged.

And then so finally, a plan was hatched between the members of the cast to safely dispose of the jewels, which involved a relay of people across a body of water (surreptitiously delivering one invisible member at a time) but, in the end, William Shatner decided (having charmed the jewels out from under Majel while Gene was away) that it was his responsibility to take the invisibility jewels out of harm’s way, and THIS was why Star Trek’s Five Year Mission was cancelled too soon.

~

I think the analysis for this is simple – too much television over the holidays – a mixture of Warehouse 13, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries and Star Trek, obviously. I’m supposed to be writing crime/ murder mystery for Jano2016, but I don’t know, what do you think, is there a book in it?! 🙂

LLAP

Captive Pursuit

Ah, Tosk. A species designed and bred to be prey, for the entertainment of a hunting species, to the extent that he does not even have his own name, he just identifies as Tosk, his very identity is prey. (There’s an echo of this in Voyager’s Hirogen and their holographic prey who rise up against them.)

I remember writing about this episode, but I don’t remember who I would have originally cast as Tosk, the hunters, Sisko, or O’Brien who is the hero of this story.

tosk

Right now I think that Tosk is me. I’m not really being pursued. No-one is after me. It’s just a feeling. But it is a recurring theme in my dreams, being on the run. I think it’s just a result of general anxiety really. I can’t pinpoint a specific worry.

But somehow, I seem to have attracted (or been spotted by) a string of manipulative, controlling women who used me and caused a lot of trouble.

The fact that it happened so many times made me begin to wonder why – I am not a pushover, I am not an easy target. I do not view myself as a victim. And I don’t think I am a bad judge of character. Actually, the first time I was taken in because I had no idea – the person in question was a real charmer, a complete snake.

But I wised up real quick, and I knew from the outset with the others that there was something not quite right. But still they kept spotting me. I think it was because I’m a basically nice person and probably more tolerant than most. But they were always surprised when I turned around and said “No” because when they make a mark, they think they can do anything!

I have found that drawing boundaries is really important, those type of people will push and push to see just how much they can get away with. And often, they’re subtle and cunning and you don’t realise you’re being pushed until you’re already well outside your comfort zone – like the proverbial frog in the slowly boiling water.

It becomes necessary, for those of us who are essentially as ‘harmless as doves’ to also be as ‘wise as serpents’, because that’s just what they are.

wise serpent

What’s it all about? #DreamWeirdness

I discovered the other day that intense and strange dreams are actually a recognised symptom of ME, something to do with hyperventilation because the oxygen doesn’t get to our cells properly. Anyway, that may explain why my dreams are always so vivid, and so memorable (to me anyway).

In my dream, we let ourselves sneakily into our wealthy friends, Derek & Jane’s massive house (not the house they really in but rather some kind of classic mansion, with oak panelling everywhere) this would be the perfect size for us, I remarked.

Derek & Jane turn up unexpectedly and are shocked to see us there, and we tell them that we are there to meet Tom (their eldest son). They rush off, believing our story, taking some other wealthy people’s children to swimming lessons at a private pool. Everything seems to look like 1930s, something out of a Poirot episode. The swimmers are in special life-saving costumes.

I went in a downstairs toilet, there was a big dog lying with its face under a stool or something. It had such long, red fur I thought it was a girl. It’s asleep and doesn’t stir.

Later, I am wandering round a bigger building, perhaps a school, attached to the house. People are milling around. I see someone I recognise and realise I know her from a scrapbooking group, but then I realise it can’t be that, because the scrapbooking group was in the city. it must be something else like that. We talk and walk together, but then I suddenly realise I am completely naked!

I run back to the house looking for the bathroom or somewhere where I can find clothes or something to cover myself. There are people there! Have I gone in the wrong house? People I don’t know, cooking in the kitchen. I panic when suddenly I see my friend Nathalie who pulls me into another room (to protect my modesty!) She tells me it will be alright and that the people cooking would like my help.

We have dinner, the other people have gone, and I look for a sink to wash the dishes. There are sinks everywhere! But they’re all full of strange things. I finally find an empty sink when somebody comes in the front door, a lady with a little boy. She goes in to the toilet without stopping to speak to us.

Now (as is the way in dreams) it has changed to John and Gay’s house (but not the house I remember). I tell the lady they are out and then as she turns I realise she is heavily pregnant. I ask her when she is due, and she says soon, and then realises she is going in to labour. I wave over the neighbours. I say the boy can’t stay with us as he doesn’t know us. She is in a panic, and I think to myself that her anxiety reminds me of me, but the neighbours arrange everything and take them away.

Why? What’s it all about? Lots of my dreams feature pregnancy and babies, random people I know, houses I know. And peculiarly, sinks, toilets and bathrooms feature heavily.

Is it all nonsense? Do I need therapy?!

Dark Room Dream

I thought I would share my dream weirdness before I fall back to sleep and forget it.

I was in a dark room with some other people, at least two men I didn’t recognise, and somebody I knew but I can’t remember who. I was dressed in a black Victorian costume, they seemed to be old cowboys and spoke in Wild West accents.

Hanging on the wall was a line of dead cowboys, and one of the men suggested that, since they no longer needed their boots, we could have the heels from them for our boots. I looked down at my boots and saw they needed new heels.

So as the men proceeded to take the heels from the dead men’s boots, I went upstairs to watch from the gallery.

All of a sudden, I was attacked by two women who said they wanted my nice little gold earrings! I tried to fight them off, but I could not prevail, and as one of them thrust some kind of metal spike towards my face, I woke up in a panic.

What does it mean? Whatever could have taken me to such a bizarre scenario?! Nothing I have read or watched recently comes remotely close to this scene.

As it turns out, I have indigestion, so my dinner may be the culprit. But why this dream? Where do they come from?

Out in the cold, dark night

So here we are, almost nine weeks after moving out of our rented house, from which we were being evicted, into the brand spanking new housing association property. Minus the mold and the awful landlord and letting agents, but also minus carpets and curtains, the gardens, the fabulous view and minus the dining room, the built-in wardrobes. (We’re also still waiting for our deposit to bé returned) I could go on, but I’m trying not to dwell on the negatives.

One negative I am really struggling with though is the lack of landline phone and internet. Thank God for my mobile phone, but it is costing me almost as much to run this mobile as our only phone and internet source as it was to run broadband and wifi for the whole house before.

Nine weeks is long enough, don’t you think? If I had a choice not to use BT I would certainly vote with my feet, but of course they rely on your inability to go to anybody else for a landline.

I have been through a few traumatic events in the last few years, so in one way I’m used to it, but in another, I feel battle-worn and weary, traumatised too many times.

I’m basically middle-aged now. I thought that by now we would have a stable, comfortable home with a stable, comfortable network of friends and family around us. Nothing could bé further from the truth.

Needless to say, my health has taken a turn for the worse in the last few weeks, to the extent that – apart from a few necessary errands – I am mostly needing to lay down in bed in my room. Even sitting up is too painful, my neck feels unable to hold my head up for long.

I had a conversation on Saturday morning with a pentecostal friend, and I mentioned my ill health, so she said a prayer online which she asked me to agree to, which I did, but then she said “Now we have done ‘spiritual warfare’ and you are healed. Don’t invite back the spirit of infirmity.”

I have spent some time in pentecostal churches, so it shouldn’t have surprised me but I was taken aback. If only life were that simple!

The problem with having such a simplistic worldview is that it becomes inevitably judgemental – if you don’t get well, if your circumstances don’t improve, you must have failed in some way, failed to adequately wage spiritual warfare, had a lack of faith, spoken negative words to “invite” negativity back into your life! (Remember the ‘Secret’?)

Unfortunately, unless you want a potentially self-defeating argument, you learn to have to watch what you say around people with this kind of thinking. I feel another sense of loss that I can’t trust this friend with my true thoughts and feelings.

Anyway, our big news is that, in view of our circumstances, in view of my health, our finances, my husband’s age (over 50 now), we don’t intend to pursue adoption.

That decision comes with another terrific sense of loss and grief and guilt, but we left it too late I think. I wish we had looked into it ten years ago, but on the other hand it would not have been good to put adopted children through what we have been through in the last few years. It looks like it just wasn’t meant to bé. (Either that, or I didn’t wage enough spiritual warfare. Joke.) 😦

I dreamt last night that there were a bunch of children that weren’t mine out in the shed, out in the wet cold night, and one of them broke into the house and threatened me with a gun. Somehow I knew that they were out there, and I was more shocked that I hadn’t let them in than that this child was standing in front of me with a gun. Dreams are stupid, but I expect that’s the guilt talking. I would let you in, but I don’t think I would bé very much good for you.

My Father is the King

I thought I would share a dream. I dream a lot, but it is rare that I recall the dream, so when I do I like to look for significance. It’s probably a little silly, so you’ll have to humour me.

I dreamt that I was having trouble with money – I had lost or mislaid my bank card and when I went to the bank, I couldn’t find any ID to prove my identity or my entitlement at the bank.

I was invited into a room at the back, where there was a large table around which were seated various stuffy old men and skinny women in smart suits. I felt quite scruffy and dishevelled. I had to go through my bag to look for any papers that might prove who I was.

Then suddenly, the door to the room burst open, and somebody rushed in to say “The Owner of the bank has regained his memory!”

“Oh dear!” I said.

When asked why, I responded, “The owner of the bank is my grandfather, and last time we spoke, I was in trouble for something or other, I don’t remember exactly what it was.”

“The owner of the bank is your grandfather?” The woman to the left of me asked, astonished. “Well, why didn’t you say? Why, if you had told us, of course your privileges at the bank would be restored!”

I looked at her for a moment, wondering, and said “I suppose I had forgotten it myself.”

Who knows where these weird dreams come from? My grandfather used to tell tall tales of having come from nobility, land and money, and having had to renounce it all in order to marry a commoner. (I don’t know what my grandma would have said. Funnily enough I don’t ever remember him telling these tales when she was in the room!)

Then, on my father’s side, when my cousin traced our family tree a few years ago, he claims we go back – via Ireland and via France earlier on – to the Royal line through the wicked King John, brother of Richard the Lionheart.

I suppose the thought that we once had a better life is always in the back of my mind. So, at the moment, are money troubles of various kinds. I really did go into the bank last week only to find I had no identification.

It all swirls around in the dream and comes out as a different story.

Then this morning, I opened a book of prayers (actually “Breakthrough Prayers for Women” by K & C Richards) and the words at the beginning of the devotion today were:

“You are a daughter of the King. He has a plan and purpose for you.”

I have been feeling really rather folorn and sorry for myself the last few weeks, drifting around without any sense of plan or purpose, frustrated that my hopes and dreams seem to be thwarted at every turn.

I don’t have the energy to fight it at the moment, so I am just shrugging my shoulders and allowing myself to be blown along on the wind.

I don’t know whether there is a grand Plan and Purpose for my life. But it’s nice to think that there might be.