Tag Archives: infertility

The Best Laid Plans…

I know it couldnt be further from husband’s mind, but after this most recent unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage I had hoped than once we were in our own home finally we would be able to start the adoption process again.

But two weeks before we were due to move house, my mother had an emotional crisis and was showing such severe signs of confusion and possible dementia that it was decided she would have to move in with us.

So there goes our ‘spare’ bedroom. Mum has actually been much better in the six weeks she’s been with us, so the plan is to make this a permanent arrangement.

Maybe it was just never meant to be. Every time our situation was starting to look promising, another hurdle would be thrown up in our way.

And now of course, I’m 45 so even if I could get on top of my health issues (I’m currently being investigated for Cushing’s and Diabetes Insipidus, all relating back to a head injury I had back in 1983) it would be too late for babies.

I keep thinking that I should just give up making plans and just let life wash over me and take it as it comes. Just shrug my shoulders and accept that whatever will be will be.

Years ago (actually straight after I lost my twins), a friend suggested I get myself a puppy. At the time I thought it was a really insensitive thing to say. But now, after 13 years of empty arms, secondary infertility and multiple recurrent miscarriages, I would settle for a teddy bear.

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Surprise Pregnancy 

Well this is truly a big surprise!

After my youngest son Kim was born 13 years ago, I had a run of miscarriages including twins at 14 weeks and since then, 5 years of secondary infertility. I had assumed that I was not far away from menopause.

I wasn’t expecting to be a mom again. I really thought it was too late, that it was outside the realm of possibility.

But here we are!

Chakotay has told me that I mustn’t get my hopes up, and although I’m thrilled (and slightly terrified!) I dare not get excited.

So what has happened to suddenly increase my fertility so late in life? Two things have changed – 1) I gave up dairy and eggs in addition to meat, so I’m now eating a plant-based, vegan diet. And 2) My doctor put me on Metformin to help me lose weight. I haven’t actually lost any weight sadly but it may have corrected my hormonal imbalance just enough.

I know it’s too early to start thinking about names – there may not be a baby after all, it’s just too soon to know if this will be a successful pregnancy. But favourites in the Chakotay household so far are: Jean-Luc or Luke for a boy and Annika (as in Hanson – Seven’s human name) for a girl. I’m not sure though I might have to veto that one!

Wish me luck?

Trim Healthy Mama?

A few years ago the Trim Healthy Mama diet was recommended to me, so I read the book, and looked at the recipes, but found it too complicated and of questionable scientific basis, and so I never actually tried it.

But the recommendations keep coming, and I see that the diet has become enormously popular in the US, and has a growing following in the UK. I joined the UK THM group on facebook, which is friendly and helpful. (The main American group is enormous and far too high volume for me to keep up with).

One of the things that I find attractive, and one of the reasons it has been recommended to me again and again is that THM is good for keeping your blood sugar levels balanced – something that’s important for everybody, but especially those with a tendency toward insulin sensitivity, pre-diabetes and type 2 diabetes (and that of course includes women with PCOS who are susceptible to all those things due to the nature of the endocrine disruption that PCOS causes).

So I am investigating Trim Healthy Mama again. I think my book is with most of our other books in storage, which is frustrating. I have no idea when we’ll be in a position to retrieve them. But there is plenty of information on the web, including the facebook groups, if you want to follow the diet without getting the book, or before buying the book, if you decide to.

You might like to start with these:

http://gwens-nest.com/trim-healthy-mama-quick-start-guide/

http://workingathomeschool.com/2014/03/30/freeprintables31daysofthmmeals

The diet is based on the idea of separating carbs and fats, separating your meals, at least three hours apart, into S (for satisfying) meals which include good fats and only very low amounts of carbs, and E (for energising) meals which are based on limited amounts of good carbs and low fat. It is quite an appealing idea. There are also FP (Fuel Pull) meals which limit carbs and fats, and Crossovers. I never did discover what Crossovers are.

But I am not sold on the idea that 3 hours is sufficient for your body to switch from one primary fuel to another. I remember Atkins saying that, since our bodies are used to a carb-based primary fuel, it can take several days before ketosis – fat-burning – starts to kick in.

Another thing that I found in my notebook from when I read the book is a question about a quote the authors made concerning insulin: “Glucagon helps to halt insulin’s stimulation of fat synthesis” Does it?

I’m not sure the way insulin etc is described is quite correct. As I understand it, glucagon is a hormone that tells the liver to dump stored glucose (glycogen) into the blood, which would seem to be the opposite of what they’re saying, which again makes me feel that the authors don’t really know what they’re talking about. But then I’m no expert, despite dealing with Type 1 diabetes for the past three years.

Perhaps somebody more expert in the way of body chemistry can confirm?

On the negative side of THM is their recommendation of what are commonly called ‘frankenfoods’, allegedly natural but really not at all healthy and really rather fake food, processed ingredients such as de-fatted peanut flour, glucomannan, stevia and a bunch of other things.

Here are a couple of articles which question THM:

http://stevenandersonfamily.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/my-review-of-trim-healthy-mama-thm-good.html (the authors of THM are part of the Above Rubies network which is part of the Quiver-Full movement, so I am surprised that they would be promoting stevia if it is really abortifacient but its implication in infertility and miscarriage is something that concerns me.)

http://www.nourishingherbalist.com/4-reasons-why-im-not-a-trim-healthy-mama/

The claim that THM isn’t another fad seems a little bit nonsensical. And also, from a vegetarian point of view, I remember when one of the authors was promoting the raw vegan diet – I still have her book (and video)! There is no obvious accommodation for vegetarians or vegans in this new diet, it is very much meat-based.

So, read the articles, weigh it all up and decide for yourself. I’d be interested to hear from anybody who has tried it and loved it, or tried it and hated it 🙂

Open to Life

I had a dream last night that I was at a Christian large family conference somewhere (and as far as I know, there is no such thing). The room was filled with pregnant women, mothers with babes in arms and prams and pushchairs, and the speaker was talking about how the church needs to value children and families, and we should all be ‘open to life’.

Meanwhile, I was standing at the back, and although I was in the same room, it was as though there were a glass barrier between me and the rest of the room. I could hear the speaker, and the sound of the mothers and their babies, but I was screaming and crying and flailing my arms about trying to get somebody to pay me attention, but nobody could hear me.

screaming

Well I guess I may need therapy! lol!

Co-incidentally, I had a phone call out of the blue from the midwife. It was odd because I had left a message with the surgery months ago asking about a miscarriage / babyloss support group – there isn’t one here, and I miss the fellowship of the groups I used to go to.

The midwife confirmed that she’s not aware of anything near here, so she gave me some numbers and suggested that I might like to try and set something up. There is a need for support, and there is nothing on offer for at least an hour in any direction. (The same is true for most things of course, and is just one of the issues of living in a very rural & isolated place.)

My grief comes in waves – it is becoming a longer and longer time ago, but when the waves hit, it is just as raw as ever. I don’t think it ever goes away, and I am not looking for something to make it do that. But I do think that sharing burdens lightens them, makes them easier to carry, and I think that sometimes the best way to help yourself is to step up and help other people through the same thing.

Going back to the dream, churches are variable obviously and have different ideas and different emphases, but I have been involved with groups that place a lot of emphasis on children as a blessing, with the linked idea that a large family is a reward for being a good and faithful Christian (and the flip side of that being that loss or lack of children must therefore be the result of sin or failure as a Christian – I reject that notion, by the way, and I think that the large family advocates haven’t thought through this logical flip-side).

I think there can be also be an emphasis in any church on ‘happy families’ which can be excluding to people who struggle with singleness, infertility, miscarriage and babyloss, as well as to families who struggle with children with behavioural issues, which could include families of adopted children who have been through trauma. We definitely need to learn to be more sensitive and inclusive of people who hurt.

With Adoption Sunday coming up on 2nd November, hopefully churches will get a brief window into the fact that not all families are happy or healthy, and be introduced to the idea that as Christians, we should be open to life from a different source, and that the whole church community needs to get on board to pray for, support and bless the families of looked after and adopted children.

The congregation I am part of is around 90% retired, so I don’t expect there will be many offers to actually go in for adoption, but hopefully it will be my chance to tell my church community that, if we do go ahead and adopt, I will be relying on their support and prayers to carry us through.

Taking this from Home for Good‘s Adoption Sunday Pack and service outline, I’d like to leave you with the following questions:

  • Is God calling some of us here to step forward as foster carers or adopters?
  • Is God calling us, as his family – the church, to do more to support families that foster and adopt?
  • Is God calling us to use our voice, our influence, our prayers and our money to make sure every child that needs one has a home?

The adoption Sunday Pack, if you would like to make use of it in your church, can be downloaded as a pdf file here.