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  • Mrs Chakotay 12:58 pm on January 17, 2019 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , fertility, , , , suicide, T1D,   

    Dream: Pink Beetle 

    I dreamt that I was watching a video in my room (I’m not sure where, it reminded me of the room we once had at my mother-in-law’s before we had children. Apparently the video was about fertility, and how to maximise your chances of pregnancy, so you can guess what’s weighing on my mind)

    Then I noticed there was a fairly big beetle scurrying towards me on my floor, which looked black on its underside but then it flipped over and was like a ladybird (I know it doesn’t make sense that it was scurrying along on its back, it was a dream!), in fact I thought for a moment that it was a ladybird but instead of red it was pink with black dots, and it increased in size until it was the size of a side plate or a 45 rpm single record!

    I ran in to the living room to tell my Dad, and he asked me if, by the way, I would like to take over his bureau (an old fashioned wooden desk with a pull-down leaf). I said I would love to, and he followed me in to my room to look at the beetle, but it had disappeared in amongst my papers and I couldn’t find it.

    At the end of the dream, I was sorting out my papers into my Dad’s bureau. The pink beetle never turned up again, but the television suddenly started playing and I was embarrassed that my parents had a look at what I was watching.

    Notes: I did once own a baby pink Beetle Volkswagen car, which I never drove for various reasons. But I gave it away because I was told it couldn’t be fixed, and the people that came for it actually fixed it on the drive and drove it away, so I was always very sad about giving it away. Does the pink beetle represent my car that I lost? Does the car that I lost represent my lost babies?

    I often dream about my Dad, and I usually wake up sad, realising that he is gone. I feel like there is a lot of unfinished business there. I’m still angry with him for dying on purpose, and I miss him terribly.

    I am embarrassed, because I am 47 now, 48 later this year, and yet I still desperately long for a baby. Why? I feel so stupid. Everyone I know my age was happy with the size of their family as far as I know, and accepted that that was that. Why can’t I? I have 3 teenagers and a 23 year old who is still not independent due to Aspergers. My middle child has Type 1 Diabetes. All of this seems like pretty good reasons not to have any more children even if it were possible. My brain knows that. Why can’t my heart get it? 😦

    The other question is, why am I suddenly having so many weird and upsetting dreams? Well, I have had a pretty bad to the year health-wise, probably all related to food allergies and intolerances, I’m probably not being as careful as I could be, which could be a form of self-sabotage (although in my defence, it mostly hasn’t been my fault – our finances got so bad that we had to rely on food bank handouts, and honestly although I am super grateful for the kindness of strangers, all the tinned food made me super ill.)

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  • Mrs Chakotay 4:32 pm on August 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , T1D,   

    Autumn Plans 2015 

    Just a quick update and a moan!

    Our summer has flown by and been filled with a week at Creation Fest (which involved lots of music, skating, and eating doughnuts!) A week with my mum and brother, showing them round north Cornwall, and finally a week in Watford with a few trips and get togethers with friends and looking after my sister-in-law’s pets while she was away.

    This is the last week of our summer holiday, and we’re planning to start back with lessons next week, but I am very frustrated right now! I had planned to start Sonlight levels D and 100 but most of our books are still in storage after moving at this point, and realistically I may not have access to them until later on in the year, so it’s back to the drawing board for now.

    I do have Heart of Dakota’s World Geography level for Pony-rider, so we can start that (I had originally intended to intersperse that reading with her other studies rather than as a stand-alone programme), and for the boys? Not sure yet. I don’t think we can do any kind of organised study but we can read the books we do have, and maybe do some projects relating to their interests until the Sonlight books are available.

    Pony-rider and Dragon-tamer, additionally, are both planning to do vocational courses this year with the local college, but I don’t know the details of those yet.

    My goals for September are these:

    • More regular exercise, and get out more – every day, if only for 5 minutes or in the garden if possible.
    • Make an effort to get some appropriate social interaction, whether that be with the local group, the new Cornwall Teens group or other activities. (I don’t like driving far, I’m a bit of a homebody, but unfortunately that is just a reality of home ed in a rural area.)
    • Earlier to bed, earlier to rise, and
    • More regular meal times together, if possible, together with healthier eating choices. I think this will help with monitoring Motor-Biker’s blood sugar levels as well.
    • Make more use of our annual season tickets to Eden Project!

    Specifically academic goals:

    • Concentrate on improving the boys’ handwriting which has degenerated recently
    • Explore options for handicrafts and activities which don’t require reading and writing. (A photography club has been mentioned as a possible option.)
    • Aim to read 4+ literature books together this month.
    • Carry on with current course books for History / Geography and Science. (Science has definitely got neglected this last term, so I need to make sure that doesn’t happen.)
    • Start new resources for Maths, with more emphasis on discussion and understanding than written work.
    • They’re all wanting to do different languages now, so I’m not sure how that will work as they’re not very independent learners and like a lot of hand-holding. We have plenty of resources, they’d just need to do the work.
    • And finally, for me – I need to get more organised with stationery and record-keeping – most of the last couple of years’ work has just got lost in amongst the house-moving chaos.

    What are your plans for the new school year?

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 4:04 pm on May 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , T1D   

    Do You Need a ‘Grace’ Year? 

    I had to laugh about the get some help comment in the article below! I’m not quite drinking wine in the afternoons, but Star Trek and cartoons have been known to feature!

    But seriously, we have just experienced our 6th, yes SIXTH house move in four years (which is not even to mention the stress of Type1 Diabetes, ME and dyslexia), and I probably really need to give myself a break.

    I have been kicking myself emotionally about not being able to get into a routine yet, but honestly, I think we just need a bit of recovery time.

    Probably not a whole year, but I think that in all likelihood, we will have a rather reduced academic programme for the rest of this school year.

    http://www.freehomeschooldeals.com/does-your-homeschool-need-a-grace-year/

     
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