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  • Mrs Chakotay 12:48 pm on October 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Dream Day Journal, , , LOA, , Morning Pages, , , , writing   

    October Anniversaries 

    I’m feeling a bit out of sorts today. October is always a bit of a downer. Not only is it Baby Loss Awareness Month, but it is also the anniversary of my own personal loss – of my twins. Thankfully, the weather has not caught up with the seasons, so the bright sun and blue skies takes the edge off. It has been 8 years, so although the grief still comes in waves, they crash a little less often, and a little less powerfully. I’ve been waiting for the event to come up in my Facebook memories, but I may have hidden it. What is harder to hide, of course, is the anniversaries of my friends’ babies’ birthdays, reminding me that my twins ought to be coming up for 8 years old. It’s not just the baby you lose, it’s all their future lives you imagined and hoped for.

    I also received a reminder yesterday, telling me that this is my 8th anniversary of opening my WordPress account. I think that my original blog is now my very neglected Study Notes blog. I seem to remember that I was originally using it as a homeschool diary, but I shuffled the blogs around and the Homeschool diary is now at Ohana Home Educational.

    I wonder if it was a coincidence that I started a blog around the same time as my miscarriage? I don’t remember ever writing about it at the time. Instead, I wrote on Facebook until I was told I was “over-sharing”, at which point I took to Twitter and created what I perceived to be safer spaces there to rant and cry and let it all out. It helped. I remember the most helpful book I read at the time talked about letting grief out creatively. Perhaps writing was not what the book had in mind, but it was my default outlet, and I would recommend it.

    Today though, I don’t feel like doing much. I’m only really writing now because I want to get myself into the swing and habit of writing every day, for NaNoWriMo next month. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s worth reading. Most of my writing is mainly for my benefit – if anybody else enjoys it, or benefits from it in some way, that’s a bonus of course. But if you hate it, or just find it boring, it doesn’t matter. Just getting the practice in, and my feelings out, means it has served its purpose.

    I’m also getting into the habit of writing Morning Pages in the form of a “Dream Day Journal” – that is, I write every morning about my ideal dream day. It’s supposed to be some kind of powerful manifesting tool by Law of Attraction folks. I’m not sure I believe it, but again, it doesn’t matter. It’s just practice, and it’s quite fun so far.

    It can be dangerous to write thoughts and feelings on paper, so I do find that I censor myself. Most of my worst ranty, angry feelings are directed privately to my rant buddy. She’s good to have on my side.

    Where do you vent your feelings? Does writing help, or some other kind of creativity?

    Have there ever been times where social media didn’t feel a safe place to share?

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  • Mrs Chakotay 9:59 am on October 17, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: microblogging, , , writing   

    Well, okay then! Today it works! In which case, I may well go ahead and do what I said I would do right at the inception of this blog, which is to post small updates regularly. Microblogging, even! (Who needs Twitter?!)

    My life is currently consisting of trying to keep up with housework (not my forte), and essentially procrastinating the rest of the time. If I can get myself together, I will do some NanoPrep next, before I have to go and pick up my kids from college.

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 9:55 am on October 17, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , writing   

    I said I wouldn’t be posting every day, but I did just want to try out this interface on the front page of the blog again to see if it works today. So, testing, testing 123!

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 10:03 am on October 16, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , writing   

    Writing Again? 

    Hello, I just thought I would write a quick update to say that, since my circumstances have changed again for the better, I plan to restart blogging and writing generally. I am also planning to write for NaNoWriMo as well though, so don’t expect daily posts or anything!

    As you can see, I have updated the theme to something streamlined, which I thought would tidy everything up (since I made the mistake of importing all my other blogs here, and then changed my mind because all the new pages messed it all up. I can fix it, but it would take a lot of work).

    However, the super streamlined interface on this theme does not appear to be working. If anybody has knowledge of this, please let me know – is it something I’m doing wrong, or is the theme outdated?

    So I’m currently using the original WP Admin interface, which I prefer, but I see that WordPress are advertising a new, new editor (is it a brand new one, or are they trying to push the new one they brought out a few years ago? I hate that one). If the new editor is good, please let me know! And let me know if I can try it and change my mind, since it appears that is my thing. Changing my mind.

    Am I mad to have so many different blogs? Can I possibly maintain them? I don’t know.

    Let me know if there are any topics you would like me to address.

    LLAP – Kathryn x

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 10:40 am on September 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , rage, , writing   

    PTSD 

    It’s a never ending nightmare
    A long dark tunnel
    A permanent panic attack
    Pain in my chest
    Never feeling safe
    Down the rabbit hole
    Into unreality
    I’m reaching out
    Trying to slow my fall
    Wondering what is real
    Hoping I will wake up
    Holding in my rage
    But discovering
    I turned it in on myself

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 5:19 pm on August 16, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , writing   

    Unification 

    This is just a quick note, for anybody who might be reading/ interested, to let you know that I have decided to amalgamate all my various blogs – The Bajoran Exile, Chakotay Homestead, Seaside Therapy, Shepherdess, Messianic Woman etc. back into one right here (hopefully that should be achievable, as they’re all on WordPress). 

    When it’s all done, you can expect more of the same, but with a much heavier dose of Star Trek analogies.

    I don’t know exactly why I have this continual impulse to start new projects that I can’t possibly keep up with, but it is certainly a recurring theme. I shall attempt to stop it immediately. 

    I haven’t written anything anywhere recently (unless you count twitter and facebook), due to mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. That has made me realise how ridiculous it is to have so many blog projects on the go at once, and so hopefully I will start writing again soon because at least I won’t have the excuse of not writing due to being overwhelmed by too many choices.

    I think as well that all the splintering into so many different voices has been indicative of my state of mind over the last few years and so I’m feeling that the time is right to finally sort my head out and pull myself together. Metaphorically.

    Wish me luck or something! 👍

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 11:29 am on March 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , Latin, , , , , writing   

    High Culture: Closed for the Winter 

    1teddyrow

    We started the day with Latin: Dragon-tamer orally going through the noun tables and verb paradigms we have learnt so far, and reviewing vocabulary, and finally doing a simple translation exercise that involved placing the correct words in sentences. He did quite well considering we only do it occasionally. Pony-rider listens in too.

    As we are fairly relaxed and unschooly, I never insist we do these or any other lessons. My goal in introducing Latin, and other languages, is to give the kids a flavour of the language so if they decide they want to take it up seriously, they can.

    We all listened to a children’s classical CD (Bernstein Favourites: Children’s Classics), and Dragon-Tamer dictated a couple of music reviews which I typed up and posted on to our local home-ed reading group website.

    We thought that, in the afternoon, we would just ‘pop in’ to the local museum, or gallery, but when I checked their opening hours, I discovered that both are closed: the Gallery for two weeks while they change exhibits, and the Museum for the whole winter (except for education groups of 20 or more children… so possible to organise for a later date but no good for today).

    Disappointed, we discussed other alternatives for the afternoon, but nobody could agree, and since Motor-biker was poorly with a slight temperature, we opted for a quiet afternoon in, watching nature programmes and schools maths programmes recorded earlier.

    Originally posted on the Svengelska Hemskolan blog.

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 4:27 am on March 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , writing   

    Why am I Hiding? 

    I dreamed a dream in which I was hiding, running, moving backstage through dark corners, behind curtains, around stairwells, navigating through a maze of books and belongings.

    I was in a school. I didn’t know to begin with what I was hiding from, until I became aware that I was being pursued.

    I was being pursued by a man in a light brown coat and scarf. He was of indeterminate age and features. He reminded me somehow of Mulder from the X-files. Something about his manner frightened me.

    I turned around to see that he had been waylaid by a young girl. She might have been about twelve. She had light red hair in bunches. Her uniform was navy blue. She was talking to him about art and literature. They seemed engrossed in conversation. I wondered if he was really pursuing me at all? Perhaps I had imagined it.

    But then she turned away from him and he was waylaid once again by a group of children who all wanted his attention.

    The girl came toward me and moaned, “I am looking for the writer” and I answered and said, “You had his attention already. Why did you come to me?”

    And then I looked at the man, and I knew that he was me.

    I woke up. It was nearly 4am. I was a little bit dazed and confused, and wondered what it meant, when I realised the little girl was me too.

    I’ll ponder the symbolism in the morning. In the meantime, I just thought I would share it as I quite liked it. My best stories come to me straight out of my dreams. 🙂

     
  • Mrs Chakotay 4:17 pm on January 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , deppression, writing   

    2014 in review – is anybody listening? 

    The WordPress.com stats people prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog. I thought I’d share it as it’s pretty, but it made me laugh at how pitiful it all sounds. It also has the opposite effect of the one intended – I feel so dis-inspired that I wonder whether it’s worth bothering to blog at all. Despite posting links to my posts on facebook and twitter, I have failed to gain many followers or many comments. Without interaction, blogging might as well be writing into a private paper diary. Perhaps I’m just not that interesting. On the other hand, I seem to be starting 2014 rather severely depressed, so it’s not easy to get any kind of perspective on reality. Anyway, here it is.

    Click here to see the complete report.

     
    • SJ Foster 4:25 pm on January 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I blogged for about a year and it takes time for you to build up a readership. Then as always happens, my life got in the way. So this year I restarted. My sole aim is to write the odd post and read, comment and enjoy other peoples. The more you like and comment on like minded peoples posts the more traffic and like minded comments you’ll get on your own blog and posts. We are all entirely unique, write about the stuff you care and feel passionately about in you own “unique” voice. Other people will also care and feel passionately about those things, the trick is to find them. Most of my enjoyment comes from being able to read others. If they like and comment on my stuff. BONUS! If they don’t that’s okay. Yes we are out here and yes we are listening. You just have to work out what your message is and what you truly are trying to say. Good luck. x

      Like

    • K. Gallagher 5:41 pm on January 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Keep pressing on! (;

      Like

  • Mrs Chakotay 9:24 am on November 4, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: astrology, astronomy, , celts, , , , , , neolithic, , prehistorical, Stonehenge, writing   

    Moon Child 

    harvest-fullmoon-stonehenge

    Just a quick post to tell you a little bit about my new NaNoWriMo project this year.

    I am writing what is evolving to be a mixture of murder mystery, adventure and tragic love story, all set at the end of the neolithic age, and covers the height and breadth of Britain, and of course it does feature some of the most prominent neolithic sites such as Stonehenge.

    “The high king of Albion is murdered, and his daughter must solve the mystery, apprehend the murderer and sacrifice her greatest love to take on the mantle of her father to lead her people into a new era.”

    I am taking rather a lot of liberties, and now that I know what it is, it might even qualify as ‘speculative’ fiction, since I am speculating that the people of the late neolithic age allowed almost equal status to women as to men, that these people were basically Celtic, though from an earlier wave of Celtic immigration than the Celts we know, and that they remembered their ancestors right back to Noah and the Ark. So I am using the traditional names and ideas from Geoffrey of Monmouth and others of the early inhabitants being known as the Samotheans, after their founder Samothea, and the island being known as Albion after the ‘giant’ who invaded the island but who was later defeated.

    It is obviously not a ‘Christian’ novel, as it pre-dates the Christian era considerably, and it has quite a different feel to the novel that I wrote in 2012, which was very religious in content by the end of it, but that really was a cathartic process for me and included autobiographical elements – the loss of babies, moving to a new land, the depths of disappointment and despair and finding hope and new meaning and purpose in God. (That last part, to be honest, was rather speculative itself.) I did not like that book when Nanowrimo was finished, and I have not yet gone back to edit or complete it; actually I suspect it may need a complete re-drafting, and I have never showed anybody what I wrote. It was just a little bit too deeply personal and painful.

    This time, hopefully, I am writing a book I would enjoy reading. It has the similar themes of tragedy and triumph, but this time I hope to enjoy the adventure a bit more.

    I am downplaying the pagan elements, so it may not appeal to everyone – there is no human sacrifice, nor do the people worship the celestial bodies. These are a people who know that the sun and moon are created bodies, that there is a creator, but they know nothing of him. I also speculate that these early people did, contrary to accepted notions, have a written language, but that they used leather to write on and therefore we have no record.

    So anyway, I am having a bit of fun with pre-history, basically.

    I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I won’t have time to post regular updates on how I’m doing, though I may post again at the midpoint, and I will be posting word updates to twitter.

    Here is a little excerpt, to give you a taster. After the murderer has committed the main murder, he then goes on to kill both the witnesses:

    “Almost instinctively, he had reached for his dagger and had slain the second man before he had even consciously known that he had the dagger in his hand. But now Zaidar had lain Franek down, covering his eyes one final time, and stood to face the foe. The two men stood still for a moment, opposing each other in the moonlight, and the stranger knew at that moment that he had a choice – if he allowed this man to run and raise the alarm at the settlement, he would have no hope, no chance, no future. He knew that he only had one choice: kill the man and escape.”

    Let me know what you think! Are you Nano-ing? What is your genre?

     
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